I usually tell my bestie that I have a daughter but I don't always feel like a "mom". In the same way I don't feel like I am 24 (more like 17). I don't know if that makes any sense, but the past two nights when we were fighting this awful cold, I actually felt like a real mama. All those you know you are a mom when... statements all of a sudden applied to me.
For the first time I was really scared for the health and well being of Boo. She was shivering with chills, her fever got to 104, and my normally active wild child was so weak.
Seeing her helpless little body just broke my heart into a million different pieces. When she would throw up all over me, the last thing on my mind was to clean myself off but to tend to her first. Every heavy cough made me cringe and everytime she pulled her ear I felt even more helpless. I didn't even care that I couldn't shower, clean, or do anything yesterday because all Boo wanted was to be held while she rested. I would have held her everyday with her head on my shoulder until she was all better.
We made our first urgent care trip at 2am and being there just brought relief.
Thankfully we only had to deal with the worse end of this cold for two nights and this little munchkin is doing much much much better now.
But through it all, I now understand the selflessness that moms have. I understand on a small scale the fear that shakes your bones seeing your child suffer. Feeling helpless and heart broken for them. And I don't think I have ever prayed so hard for my little Boo other than when I delivered her.
I guess all the feelings, emotions, sacrifices, and love is just part of being a mama.