Sunday, December 11, 2011

It's Hard

Black Friday for me was not a happy shopping day as it was for everyone else.  It was black however as the home sickness hit me like a pile of bricks.  Ever since then, I have been trying really hard to put on a happy face and even try to get in the Christmas mood.... but it's hard. 

It's our first time in about 7 years that my hubby and I will be apart during the holidays.

It's hard not to have him here to help me put up the Christmas tree.  To hear his laugh when I get so excited about seeing it lit for the first time.  To go shopping for gifts and sit together in our living room while I wrap and he watches.  And to hear him laugh again while I make him shake and guess what is in each box.  To watch his favorite [The Grinch] and mine [Elf].  It's hard not to have him here during those quiet nights watching tv sipping on hot chocolate with whip cream.  I miss hearing him tell me that the first snow has arrived and enjoying the magic of all the little white flakes fall from the sky.   I miss him.  I miss us.  I would give up all my Christmas presents just to have him here with me.


I hate to be the Grinch, but I just wish Christmas would come and go without letting me know it was here.  The closer we get to the day the heavier my heart gets.  There is no earthly antidote for this broken heart.  No amount of family, presents, or even chocolate will mend it.  It is so much harder than I thought it would be. 

 But I know it's only for a season.  Even through the sadness and this hardship I know that God is strong when I am weak.  I am just thankful to have a God who can ease the hurt that is in my heart and to catch my tears when they fall.  I may not be the peppy happy self that I usually am right now but it won't be forever.  This season won't last forever. The time will come and go and all I can do is look to the forward to the day that my amazing husband and I can be together again.


2 comments:

  1. dearest patty, *huge huge hug*~joanne

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  2. I feel for you Patty. I will keep you in my prayers that you find some semblance of joy this Christmas season while your other half is away. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you and Cindy. I don't know if you remember this from IB english, but maybe it will help.

    A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning
    by John Donne

    As virtuous men pass mildly away,
    And whisper to their souls to go,
    Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
    "The breath goes now," and some say, "No,"

    So let us melt, and make no noise,
    No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
    'Twere profanation of our joys
    To tell the laity our love.

    Moving of the earth brings harms and fears,
    Men reckon what it did and meant;
    But trepidation of the spheres,
    Though greater far, is innocent.

    Dull sublunary lovers' love
    (Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
    Absence, because it doth remove
    Those things which elemented it.

    But we, by a love so much refined
    That our selves know not what it is,
    Inter-assured of the mind,
    Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

    Our two souls therefore, which are one,
    Though I must go, endure not yet
    A breach, but an expansion.
    Like gold to airy thinness beat.

    If they be two, they are two so
    As stiff twin compasses are two:
    Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
    To move, but doth, if the other do;

    And though it in the center sit,
    Yet when the other far doth roam,
    It leans, and hearkens after it,
    And grows erect, as that comes home.

    Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
    Like the other foot, obliquely run;
    Thy firmness makes my circle just,
    And makes me end where I begun.

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